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Guest Post: Lily-Jo's Blue Monday Tips for Talking to Children About Mental Health
Lily-Jo, a children’s mental health expert and author of Talking to Children About Mental Health, shares with us her top tips for helping you AND your child through the January blues.
Today is Blue Monday - dubbed as 'the most depressing day of the year.' While this statement can be debated, with news of astronomical increases in the number of children needing treatment for serious mental health problems (up 39% in one year according to NHS data analysed by the PA Agency), it's clear that coversations about children's mental health is an important one we should all be having.
We asked children’s mental health expert Lily-Jo and author of this month's practical and inspiring guide Talking to Children About Mental Health to share her top tips for getting you AND your children through the winter blues.
If you're inspired by Lily-Jo's tips below and want to learn more about the key mental health problems impacting young people today (such as depression, loneliness and anxiety) and how to help them? Check out her new book, Talking to Children About Mental Health, here - 10% OFF THIS WEEK!
Lily-Jo's four BLUE (Believe, Listen, Understand and Exercise) Top Tips for Parents and Carers to Help Children Through Blue Monday!
1. Believe - Believe your child, don’t dismiss their feelings, even if they are frustrating.
Adults can (totally understandably) feel overwhelmed and distracted by the pressure of life and all they have to do, but it’s really important that children see that those who care for them value their feelings and opinions, and believe them.
We can easily jump to conclusions and say things to our children like, ‘you’re only saying that because you’re tired’, or ‘you only feel that way because you’ve had too much screen time’, but by doing this, we accidentally dismiss their reality, and show them that we do not value their interpretation of their feelings. Even if we are right and it is tiredness causing their negative feelings or difficult behaviour, it does not make a child’s emotions – anger or sadness, for example – feel any less real.
2. Listen - Use ‘listening language’, to actively make your child feel heard.
Don’t worry if at first your child struggles to open up – starting with an activity you both enjoy, for example, a puzzle or drawing activity, can help create a natural environment for conversation.
When we use ‘listening language’, we show our children and young people that we are not only hearing them, but also understanding them.
For example, if your child doesn’t want to wear the coat you bought them in the sales because it’s a different style to what their peers are wearing, and they’re worried they’ll be laughed at, examples of ‘listening language’ might be:
- ‘Can you explain why you think that?’
- ‘What do you worry people might say to you?’
- ‘How does that make you feel?’
- ‘Is there something that might make you feel safer doing it?’
- ‘Nothing anyone could say would change my opinion of you’.
‘Lacking language’, on the other hand, dismisses a child’s feelings.
For example, saying “You’re being silly” or “what people say doesn’t matter”, to their expressions of anxiety. When a child feels heard and understood, it is more likely that anxiety will reduce, and they will feel safer about trying the things they would otherwise have avoided, e.g. wearing the coat.
Often, all we need is a simple sentence tweak to make our children feel believed.
For example, if our child is angry and acting frustrated, say ‘I understand that you are angry, do you think you could tell me a little more about why you are feeling that way?”. Through this, we show our children that we value their perspective, and that they are loved precisely as they are and that they can express their feelings to us without fear or dismissal. A child or young person who feels loved and listened to is more likely to speak up when they are struggling with their mental ill health.
Lily-Jo Speaking to Children About Mental Health
3. Understand – introduce your child to practical tools to help them understand, and manage, their difficult and painful feelings.
For example, if your child is struggling with excessive worry, creating a simple ‘worry box’ can be an effective tool for managing anxiety for kids of all ages. Put a box – any simple cardboard box will do! - in a shared space and the children can, at any point, post into the box a worry that they have written down (you can help them write the worries out if they can’t yet do this themselves). You can then set aside a certain time in the day or week (depending on how often the children need it), to open the box and discuss the worries inside.
This technique uses a common PTSD management technique of ‘boxing’ a negative or damaging experience away inside the mind so that it has less of an impact on everyday life, especially if a child or young person is being continually overwhelmed. It is important to remember, however, that the feelings cannot be boxed away indefinitely – it is essential to make time and space for the worries to be addressed to help the child or young person to express their feelings and recover.
Journalling – the act of expressing thoughts and feelings honestly on paper – is also a very effective way of helping children process their feelings.
4. Exercise – moving our bodies is vital to maintaining mental wellbeing, and the release of endorphins is more important than ever at this time of year, when the light is low and holidays are over.
Encouraging your children outside might be difficult in the cold, but wrapping up warm and doing some fun, physical activities – even just a walk to the park – can be a fantastic mood boost.
How Parents and Carers Can Look After Their Own Mental Health
There is a lot going on for parents and carers at the moment, whether that is the pressure of the cost of living crisis, to helping their children navigate a life where social media, and the pressure to perform a presence online, permeates society.
Lily-Jo says:
'It’s so important to be kind to your mind as a parent or carer. Just like in an aircraft, they suggest you place the oxygen mask on yourself before your child, it is so important that, as adults who care for children and young people, we are not only modelling good mental health practices in our lives but we are also taking care of ourselves.'
This Blue Monday, remember the THREE B’S for BLUE MONDAY! Three tips to help parents take care of their own mental health needs.
1. Being - Notice your own wellbeing.
Ask yourself, how am I doing? Be honest with yourself. Sometimes just admitting that you’re going through a difficult time mentally can encourage you to put steps in place to manage your wellbeing, or reach out for help.
2. Breathing - Take time and space to give yourself what you need.
Take a deep breath use tools designed to help you get through, such as simple meditation or mindfulness techniques, or some endorphin-boosting exercise. The practical tips suggested for children above, for example, journalling or using a worry box can work just as effectively for adults.
3. Believing - Believe that you are not alone and that you are capable.
Although it can be tempting to isolate ourselves when we feel emotionally down or overwhelmed, reaching out to family or friends for emotional and practical support can give us a lift when we most need it.
Inspired? Looking for more amazing tips from Lily-Jo? Check out her new book, Talking to Children About Mental Health. 10% OFF THIS WEEK!
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Lily-Jo is the founder and director of award-winning mental health platform: www.thelilyjoproject.com. The Lily-Jo Project aims to eliminate the stigma of mental health by providing resources, promoting awareness, and empowering people to take control of their mental well-being. She is the author of Talking to Children About Mental Health. She is also a singer-songwriter and qualified counsellor and counselling supervisor with a decade of experience. |
Talking to Children About Mental Health examines the key mental health problems impacting young people today (such as depression, loneliness and anxiety) and explains how the lifestyle, culture and world they are living in has a significant mental health impact.
Suitable for parents, grandparents, teachers, youth workers and anyone in a position of care or interested in the future of mental health, this book offers tools, exercises and resources to support the next generation.
